Me, now (Archive, 2021)

Every Monday, I update this /now page with a few things that have the majority of my time and attention right now.

(You can learn more about /now pages here.)

2021

Week 52: Last week of the year. Everyone is sick. Everyone is tired. We are limping towards the finish line; we are taking the last few gasps before we cross into the new year. Let the next be much better than this one.

Week 51: The year is coming to a close, so this week is all about preparing for the holidays and trying to get scheduled for a vaccine booster shot and keeping my fingers crossed I can get everything done I need to do—it’s an impossible goal, but I’m trying—before everything grinds to a halt. With the virus variants picking up, will we be able to see friends for Christmas? Who knows, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed this holiday season is more festive than the last.

Week 50: An inauspicious start to the week: a sick baby, a broken freezer, a stolen credit card. And that’s just Monday. Who knows what other misfortunes the week will bring? Hopefully things will turn around and things will get better in time for our planned trip to see family in Windsor this coming weekend.

Week 49: It’s Zoya’s last week of swimming class until the new year, which is a reminder that the holidays are fast approaching. This week, we visit the Christmas market, the Christmas tree farm, trim the tree and decorate the mantle, and get everything ready for the festive season.

Week 48: It’s a week of celebration: celebrating the birthday of the woman I love, celebrating a big launch at work, celebrating life. Sure it’s cold outside, but it’s warm in my heart.

Week 47: In the forecast: snow and more snow. The winter has arrived, and I’m not prepared. Time to get out coats and mitts and hats and everything that comes with the winter. Time to get ready for the holidays. Time to catch up on the never ending list of things to do.

Week 46: The cold has arrived, and with it a bevy of things to get done: change the tires on the cars, put up the Christmas lights, get all the winter clothes out and ready, but new planters for the front porch, etc. It will be a week of errands, this week.

Week 45: We celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary today, and we celebrate with a home cooked meal and a special bottle of wine. It should be a quiet week, and with daycare closed on Thursday, I’ll get a full day hanging out with Zoya. Later in the eeek, I hope to see Dune in a theater.

Week 44: The week after Halloween is when I start getting really stressed about the holidays. The holiday season has always felt like the most stressful time of year for me, so the stress begins building this week; I’m doing my best to stay calm and breathe deeply before the holiday rush to come.

Week 43: I feel like a bad parent because I haven’t planned a Halloween costume for my daughter. To be honest, Halloween was never a holiday I ever celebrated, so it feels weird that everyone is so fixated on our baby’s costume. Sorry: I’m a bad parent. I haven’t thought of it. I guess I have a week to figure it all out.

Week 42: This week is one full of interesting conversations with people who have interesting ideas. Most weeks are like that, but this one is particularly so. This coming weekend, we are leaving Zoya with my parents for the weekend (first time leaving her alone!) while we take a short escape to wine country. Wish us luck!

Week 41: I can’t believe that it’s almost time to start thinking about Christmas. I pre-ordered some Advent calendars today, and this week, I’m doing some research on trees and photos and all that fun stuff. If the weather holds up, a picnic with friends is in the cards for this weekend.

Week 40: I have a few conversations at work scheduled for the week ahead that are making me excited about my career again. And we’re going to see my parents for Thanksgiving weekend. A buoyant week ahead.

Week 39: A busy week—full of more meetings than I’d like—at work ahead. Keeping my fingers crossed for a more relaxing weekend, maybe featuring some apple picking and outdoor visits with friends.

Week 38: Back home after a week away. Was nice to see family, but traveling with a one-year-old is hard. Now, to spend the week unpacking, doing laundry, and just generally getting back in the routine of things that we’re ignored while we were gone.

Week 37: Waking up to the mountain and ocean air is delightful. It is so special to be here, up the side of the mountain and in view of the sea, and especially for Zoya to be meeting all her family here for the first time. We will relish a week of family time in North Vancouver and on Pender Island.

Week 36: A week ahead that will be marked by scrambling. Scrambling to get my work done before I’m off for a week. Scrambling to pack for ten days away with a baby. Scrambling to take her to swim classes and day care all while working and doing the laundry and making dinner. Scrambling to stay sane when the world feels like it is too much. At the end of the scramble, we will be in BC; for now, we scramble.

Week 35: The heat is breaking; it’s still warm, but the coolness that has broken the oppressive heat of the past week is reminding us that fall is just around the corner. This weekend, we shall travel to Toronto for Zoya to spend some time with the grandparents. Until then, we do our best to make it through the week.

Week 34: The heat has been oppressive these past few days, and promises to continue to be that way this week. It is a week for swimming in the pool, for reading indoors, for moving slowly. And hopefully, if all goes well, for a babysitter to come over on evening so L and I can have a date night.

Week 33: Zoya is sick and will have to stay home from daycare, which means my work schedule is going to be unpredictable this week. How do other people manage caring for a sick kid at home while also trying to work? I guess I’ll find out. Hopefully she is better by the time friends come over to visit this weekend.

Week 32: The week is supposed to be littered with rainstorms, but today it is hot and humid; a good day for a swim in our backyard pool. Zoya continues her swimming lessons this week, and we have friends coming for an outdoor visit this weekend. We may even take a short trip to Stratford on Sunday if the weather holds up. A busy, but pleasant week ahead.

Week 31: Zoya starts swimming classes today, every day after daycare for two weeks. L is on call for the first time since she returned to work. It’s going to be a busy week where we’re all going to be scrambling more than we’d like, but we’ll get through it.

Week 30: Zoya turns one year old! What an whirlwind first year it has been. After a lovely celebration this past weekend, we’re taking her to Toronto to visit family this coming weekend. It will be her first trip into the city, so there’s a lot of preparation to do beforehand, but we’re excited for her to meet everyone.

Week 29: Scrambling to take care of a kid with a runny nose, be on several interview panels at work, and do the last minute preparation for her birthday party this weekend. We are doing a cake smash photo shoot on Saturday and a small get-together on Sunday. Can’t believe it has been almost a year since she arrived in our lives.

Week 28: L returns to work this week, so our new schedule starts in earnest. Lots to juggle: making meals, pickups from day care, work and commitments, and so much more. We’re also trying to wean Zoya off of bottles, but she’s not taking to that so well. Lots to do, lots to learn.

Week 27: First full week back at work: a bunch of meetings and a lot of reading and just a lot of catching up. Oh, and we pick up our new car later today. And I have two weeks to plan a birthday party for our little one. It all feels a little overwhelming.

Week 26: It’s a week of massive change: Zoya starts daycare, and I go back to work after a year away. Hopefully, my parents are able to visit this weekend and we’re able to see my grandma too—it has been much too long.

Week 25: This week, Zoya begins her “transition” days to day care, and I get my second dose of my COVID vaccine. If all goes well, later this week we’ll have a babysitter come in while we go out for dinner on a patio. Things may not be returning to normal, but there’s definitely a semblance of normal in the air this week.

Week 24: Things are changing, slowly. L has started doing clinics again, and I got access to my work email in anticipation of my return. Zoya goes to day care in two weeks and we both go back to work full time shortly after that. Lots of preparation to do before that; preparation is on the agenda for this week ahead. Also on the agenda: renewing our mortgage and possibly buying a car. Lots going on.

Week 23: Woke up this morning on the shores of Lake Huron, staring out at the water. We are up at the cottage for the week ahead, with no plans but to soak in the sun, play in the sand, swim in the water, hike in the woods, and just enjoy being up here in the relative quiet. It will be a slow, relaxing week.

Week 22: We leave for a cottage vacation at the end of this week; going away for a week to the shores of Grand Bend. I did not realize just how much stuff you need to go on a trip with a baby; our list is overwhelming and I will spend this whole week doing nothing but packing and preparing. We may even have to take two cars, that’s how much stuff we need.

Week 21: We used the pool for the first time last week, and the potential to use it again on sunny days this week is keeping me buoyed through another uneventful where all the days feel the same. One more month until I return to work and things are different; until then, everything is the same.

Week 20: Another uneventful week, marked by one big thing: I’m starting therapy again. I had taken a break for a while just because baby care had taken up all my time, but I’m ready to jump back in again. I’m excited and apprehensive. The sun is shining and the weather is warm this week, so hopefully we can spend lots of time outside and maybe even use the pool.

Week 19: I got my COVID vaccine last week and am already feeling the kind of relief that comes with knowing something you’ve been waiting for has finally come around. My entire family has received their first dose now, so the relief is strong. The week ahead is nothing special; hopefully the weather warms up and we are able to use the bbq for dinner one or two nights.

Week 18: A week full of rain in the forecast; spring showers are unrelenting. This week I’m moderating a panel for the GO-Open Data conference, and celebrating Mother’s Day, a momentous one as it’s L’s first one as a mom.

Week 17: The internet went down last week, and L has a virtual conference she’s attending this week, so the end of last week was a scramble to get the internet fixed at home. Luckily, it all works now, so L is able to attend her conference, and life goes on as normal. It is a week for paperwork and filing and sorting things out; we will get our tax returns submitted and I’ll eventually get around to scanning the stack of papers on my desk. Lots to do, not a lot of time, so a busy week ahead.

Week 16: April is the cruelest month. We have snow in the forecast for this week. To add to that, I just received news that I didn’t get the job I applied for a few weeks ago. On top of that, I’ve been making a series of mistakes at home recently that leave me feeling, in addition to everything else, unaccomplished, untalented, and just generally a f**k-up. This feeling will pass; for now, I sit and hope for this cruel week to quickly go by.

Week 15: Signs of spring have arrived: the magnolia tree in the front yard is budding and just about ready to erupt in pink. This week, we are getting the snow tires removed from the cars. We are taking a Windsor-style pizza-making class—which isn’t related to spring, but delightful nonetheless. Let the spring arrive and bring much-needed delight.

Week 14: April showers have begun, and the forecast for the week involves rain and more rain. We will still venture outside for walks despite the downpour; it is the only change from the everyday routine that we get. This is a week of routine: nothing different, nothing noticeable. It is, as L says, a “nothing to look forward to” week.

Week 13: Zoya’s new nap schedule is going well, but it means we are trapped at home between her eating and sleeping; very little time to leave the house and go on an adventure. Not sure how we are going to cope with the home-boundedness of this new schedule. All our baby-proofing gets installed this week, so it will be time to get used to gates everywhere and locks on all our cupboards. Fingers crossed it doesn’t make things too onerous.

Week 12: The sun is out and the weather seems like it will be turning towards the better from now. I have a job interview today, which feels strange as I’m still on parental leave and not in the mind space for work. Wish me luck. We are also switching Zoya to a new nap schedule this week; wish us even more luck on that one.

Week 11: I had my last appointment with my psychiatrist before he moves to a new city; that’s the second psychiatrist that has moved on me since I moved here. Time to find a new one, I guess. Registration for recreation programs opens this week, and for the first time ever, I’m going to be that parent logging on right when things open to make sure I get a spot for my kid in the program we want. Fingers crossed it all works out.

Week 10: Figuring out daylight savings time with an infant who sleeps at very regimented times will be a challenge; why do we still have this time change twice a year anyways? Temperature are getting warmer, and with it, spirits getting brighter. Hopefully, the spring brings with it some respite.

Week 9: L got her vaccine last week and I couldn’t be happier. Things may not be normal for some time still, but knowing that she’s taken the first step to being safe from this disease is a huge relief. This week, we busy ourselves with appointments and errands, basking in the relief from the last one.

Week 8: I turn thirty-nine years old this week. This isn’t quite how I expected this year to be; I’m not sure what I expected but I didn’t expect it to be so hard. We are slowly finding a rhythm to our days, but it’s still harder than I like, than I expected. One day, life will be easier, I hope. Until then, I celebrate thirty-nine feeling heavy.

Week 7: Snow is falling, and the air is cold. We have been able to go outside for walks most days, but it gets harder and harder as the winter becomes more oppressive. Feeding remains a challenge, so everything feels harder than it should right now. Yet, we survive, slowly and surely.

Week 6: It is the bleakest of weeks, in every possible sense of the phrase.

Week 5: Sleep training has begun, and so far it is going relatively well. I’m keeping my fingers crossed it continues to go well, as we need at least one small win; feeding seems to have gotten worse this week than it was before, if that was even possible. I’m stressed about finding a day care for her in five months, as they all seem to be full right now. I’m stressed about getting our cars serviced as I don’t know where I’ll find the time. I’m stressed about her feeding and her growth and everything about her. My stress is through the roof right now.

Week 4: Zoya turns six months old this week. In some ways, this has been the longest six months, full of unending days. In others, it has been a whirlwind six months, with so much changing and happening in such a short time. There are challenges we are still struggling with after six months and seem like they will never get better; there are challenges that have faded away over the weeks and months. How time crawls, how time flies by.

Week 3: I’ve read every book on sleep I can get my hands on, but we’re still struggling with her sleep; today we have a virtual meeting with a sleep consultant who hopefully will help us get this sorted out. If we can’t fix the feeding issues, hopefully we can fix the sleeping ones. Just a little respite would be so welcome.

Week 2: Some weeks, things get better. Some weeks, things get worse. This week is the latter; sleep problems have exacerbated, feeding continues to be a challenge, five months later. Exhaustion can come not only from a lack of sleep, but from from an unrelenting pace of a lack of joy or goodness; I’m sleeping okay, but I’m still exhausted. That tells you all you need to know about how 2021 is going, two weeks in.

Week 1: As I write this, Zoya is asleep in her carrier, on me. We’ve been struggling with sleep (especially naps), along with the continued struggles with feeding, for some time now, but I know, as is the case with all things with babies, this is temporary. This may be a week of struggle, but the next will be different. Not necessarily better, but different.

(Feel free to visit my ‘Me, now’ archives: 2018, 2019, 2020.)